Whether you’re single or attached, this week, the focus is on lurve. I know, I know. But love is SO much bigger than romantic love between two people, we’re talking Divine Love too..
.F*** floor fries
One of the best analogies for self love that I’ve come across (and my work is all about self care so I’ve come across loads) was in this gorgeous podcast on conditional self esteem
The host, Kara Loewentheil gave the example of a person who’s happily cooking themselves a several course meal, doing their thing, enjoying the process, looking forward to eating each course.
And then, some random comes along and offers them floor fries. As in, chips. Off the floor.
The person who’s already cooking this delicious feast for themselves will be a bit confused (‘Er, no thanks. I’m good’) but the person who’s NOT cooking for themselves is likely to feel more hungry and desperate then angry. ‘How DARE they offer me floor fries?’
The more you love yourself (I know, I know. It’s SUCH a cliche and I’ve spent DECADES healing my OWN relationship with myself and that has of course improved all my relationships but Younger Me would have thrown up at that sentence), the less what others do matters.
You KNOW your worth
You are as worthy as everyone else!
Why wouldn’t you deserve love, compassion, care, fun, passion and all good things?
The more you cultivate these things in yourself, the less tempted you’ll be by floor fries and the cleaner your energy will be in ALL your relationships.
Divine Love can help here too
When I think of a higher power – God / Goddess / Nature / the Universe / Source / Divine Love etc, it’s the term Divine Love that makes my own breath naturally deepen and my whole Self* feel that sense of, ‘Of COURSE.’
Spookily (or synchronistically), I heard this Oprah podcast the afternoon after I’d drafted this blog and while I don’t agree with everything, I love what Panache Desai says about self acceptance, connection (with pets etc) and Divine Love.
Too many of us were raised in religions that used shame and guilt as a means to control us.
Those same religions have much to offer for many people but for me, the sea is my church. Or the woods. Or looking into a donkey’s (or cow’s or cat’s or dog’s or lizard’s etc etc) eyes…
The punitive God that demanded human sacrifice terrified me. Divine Love feels like a ray of sunshine, opening everything and everyone up. At the right time. No rush. Nature doing its thing…
How do you feel when you remember (or simply consider the possibility) that you are part of the Divine. Just like that stunning mountain, river, beach, flower, star, moon, cat, dog, lizard, baby etc etc.
Do you FEEL that expansive energy helping you be more? To love more?
One of my favourite parts of Yoga Nidras are the connecting with that limitless awareness, that expansive part of yourself.
Our Attachment styles and trauma histories can be healed
I keep thinking of the Pamela book and film and how she knows her upbringing wired her to confuse love with abuse and I so hope she DOES continue to heal and find a much friendlier (as well as passionate) love.
What does love mean to you?
To me, love, as with everything else, comes down to working with the Vagus nerve
Moving towards what feels good. Where things feel friendly, loving, welcoming and safe.
Moving away from what DOESN’T.
Simple as that.
And I don’t just mean with partners.
Friends. Family. Anyone.
Who feels friendly to be around? Who do you feel the need to protect yourself – to harden your heart – around?
How can you (if you’ve chosen, for any of the gazillion reasons you might have chosen, to continue to interact with them) do something gentle, soothing, supportive and healing for yourself so you’re not left feeling hurt and hardened afterwards?
How are you going to be more open to (giving and receiving) more love this week?
Feel free to email firstname.lastname@example.org to let me know.
And please do feel free to share this post so others who may find it helpful can read it.
You can also find lots of heart opening self care ideas from the book across my social media
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