Do You Compare Yourself to Others?

This can be a bad thing AND a good thing. Some of my self care advice was featured in the new Stellar magazine and this post goes into more detail to help you use this very human habit to your advantage.

With social media and so much traditional media, it’s so easy to compare ourselves negatively and feel bad about ourselves in a myriad of ways we might never have considered before all this new technology.

But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

We have access to a wide range of voices and if you want to feel better about your social media use, you can simply and easily curate your feeds so that they’re filled with friendlier voices and images.

And as I mentioned in the piece, I love that Kim Kardashian has told the people she influences about her struggles in passing the Baby Bar exam. We need more actual reality.

Life can feel really hard.

Shadow work can help you get through to the heart of whatever feels awful / amazing

Grab your journal or a piece of paper and pen (you might want to burn it to release it or even write on loo roll and flush it down the loo to let go of the kind of comparisons that hold you back):

THINK OF SOMEONE YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO

This may be someone you’re comparing yourself to right now or it may be an old familiar.

Go with whoever springs to mind first.

You can repeat this as often as you want with as many people as you want.

Write their name.

Be CURIOUS about your feelings – unpleasant as it may be to feel them – and instead of judging yourself for being human, ask yourself how they might be trying to help you

WHAT DO YOU ADMIRE ABOUT THIS PERSON?

List everything you can think of.

Once you have your list, go through bit by bit and ask yourself how it feels to acknowledge that what you admire in them is also – in some form – in YOU?

Often, when we talk about shadow work, people think about the nasty, icky, painful angry feelings but it’s often the light and right to shine. Remember Marianne Williamson‘s beautiful meditation on this?

If you’re judging THEM, own that too

List everything you DON’T like about them.

The stronger the feelings, the more potential for transformation.

Look at your list, again, with curiosity and compassion, and ask yourself honestly if what you dislike about them is – in some form – in you?

OWN IT.

It’s empowering.

Quick fix

In the book, I talk about Gabby Bernstein’s beautiful meditation on this:

Anytime you notice yourself comparing yourself to someone – favourably or unfavourably, simply say to yourself:

‘I forgive myself for making ____ special’ (ie when you’re being down on yourself)

Or

‘I forgive myself for making MYSELF special’ (ie when you’re being down on someone else).

This isn’t anything other than acknowledging and letting go.

It’s a practice.

The more we do it, the easier it gets but we’ll remain human so when you catch yourself feeling unpleasant feelings about a friend, stranger who lives inside your phone, celebrity, neighbour or anyone else,

USE the ickiness to delve deeper and let whatever’s coming up for healing heal.

Comparison can be a good thing, too

Let yourself be INSPIRED.

Before Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile barrier, it wasn’t considered to be physically possible. Athletes had been trying to run it in under 4 minutes for 70 years!

And once he broke that record, it was just 64 days before someone else did it too.

Once you know that whatever YOU want to accomplish is POSSIBLE, you’re more likely to replicate such success.

Just this week, the fictional surgeons of Grey’s Anatomy have been inspiring me in handling different areas of my life.

Its creator, Shonda Rhimes, in her memoir My Year of Yes, talks about her own characters and writing inspiring HER in her life. She was especially attached to Cristina Yang who, even though she was her own creation, helped her develop the qualities she needed more of as her own superstar rose.

What are you going to own about yourself as a result of working through these questions?

Feel free to email eve@selfcarecoaching.net to let me know.

And please feel free to share this post on your social media etc so others who may find it helpful can read it.

With love,

Eve Menezes Cunningham self care coach therapist supervisor

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