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WWJD? Self Care for Better Boundaries

Have you ever felt thwarted by someone? a colleague or boss, relative, so called friend, neighbour – anyone at all?

Maybe even by a group of people?

Like someone seems to be making it their mission to block you? Not only obstructing you but badmouthing you?

How have you reacted?

Did you speak to them about it?

Complain to others?

Next time I feel misrepresented or unfairly treated in any way, I hope I’ll remember to pause and ask myself, WWJD?

What would President Elect Joe Biden Do?

I can only imagine the frustration and stress he’s been under these past few weeks.

Watching the last few episodes of The Queen’s Gambit at the weekend, I imagined a world in which an American President could concede with as much dignity and respect as the Russian players managed.

I imagined how it would have tainted the winner’s win (see what I’m doing here? Avoiding any spoilers? I hope!) if instead of graceful resignation, they’d flung the boards over and insisted that what everyone else had been watching somehow HADN’T been the thing they thought they were watching and it was a stolen match.

And if instead of immediately putting a stop to such behaviour, the tantrums were enabled and even supported by other players who knew the game wasn’t fixed having played it themselves…

It feels so unfair. And it didn’t happen. But the attempted coup and sedition in the US have happened.

It appearing to have not worked isn’t the issue

I hope that President Elect Biden’s team are working on ways to ensure that the people responsible for attempting to delegitimise and disenfranchise millions of voters face legal consequences.

[Edited to say President Elect Biden has said he’s NOT going to use the Justice Department like that but that he isn’t interfering with investigations that have already been brought at State levels.]

I might still be attempting to send the incumbent Metta as often as I can manage it (we’re all connected) but I hope there ARE legal consequences for everyone who has lied and put themselves above the law.

I hope that someone somehow manages to explain to the 70% of Republicans who believe the (why do people keep calling it misinformation?) lies that the 2020 US Presidential Election was run as elections are always run.

One vote per person.

You cannot pick and choose who you want to allow to vote in a democracy.

So here I am, taking more calming breaths just writing this and President Elect Joe Biden has been walking his walk.

Turning the temperature down.

Not engaging with the insanity but instead quietly moving ahead with pandemic planning, picking his cabinet and other things we’d forgotten to think of as Presidential these last four years.

He’s continued to do all he could to manage a transition of sorts in spite of obstruction from the GSA.

He’s appealed to the consciences of his Republican colleagues and not screamed, ‘No fair!’ when they privately congratulated him and Vice President Elect Kamala Harris in one moment before spewing more lies the next.

President Elect Joe Biden has kept his focus firmly on doing what he campaigned on.

Helping the US heal.

Attempting to help people deal with the Covid_19 fallout, the economy and other issues.

He could have thrown an enormous Pity Party.

But he’s leading by example.

How about you?

If there’s an example in your own life where you feel (rightly so!) hard done by, mistreated or even as if you must be hallucinating at just how insane things are getting, ground yourself and take a few complete breaths. Inhale light, exhale sh**e

Grab a journal or piece of paper and ask yourself:

a) How can you access the support you need right now? This might be emotional support, legal support, financial, practical – whatever you need, even if it doesn’t feel possible, make a list of what it might look like.

b) What boundaries do you need to set?

c) Having set them, how can you rise above the noise with grace, dignity and strength?

I find the embodied approach especially helpful as it’s so much easier to move or breath in a different way to improve the way we’re feeling (80% of the signals that travel via the Vagus nerve go up from the body to the brain) than it is to tell ourselves how we want to feel.

If you’d like to try something simple, this grounding and centring self care coaching tool is quick, easy and effective.

For added confidence, you might experiment with a power pose or two.

How does that feel?

If you’d like more of my support, you can find out more about how we might work together (and this special 25% off Pandemic Sale ends on Monday night) HERE

With love,

Eve Menezes Cunningham self care coach therapist supervisor

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