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Couch Coaching: Are You Motivated by Love or Fear?

Couch Coaching from Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham Imagining if Malificent were coming to me for therapy

In today’s Couch Coaching blog post, I’m imagining Angelina Jolie’s Malificent coming to me for online therapy.

We’re all always making choices based on whether we’re, in that moment, being motivated by Love or Fear.

Both archetypes are pretty powerful and, unfortunately, as you’ve experienced, we live in a world in which some people use their power to spread lies and propagate more fear in order to get what they want.

When we’re motivated by Love, we have that connection to what’s bigger than us. We know all is unfolding beautifully and that it’s safe to keep our hearts open and to give others the benefit of the doubt.

When we’re motivated by Fear, those little voices we’ve internalised about everything that’s WRONG with us – how we’re unlovable, unworthy, too much, not enough – feel real.

We, if we listen to them, act out from a place that’s not as resourceful or expansive. Instead, we contract, we don’t want to have our hearts open as it doesn’t feel safe to do so. Danger lurks around every corner.

And, of course, with your trauma history, a lot of this has been your reality, not just in your imagination.

You’ve spent so much of your life being misunderstood and maligned. That you’ve not been going into victim mode but instead continuing to protect is remarkable.

When you’re in Protector mode, you’re amazing. AND, there’s more to you than even that.

In psychosynthesis, we call our different aspects subpersonalities and that’s something we can work with more if you would like.

Samhain / Hallowe’en is a wonderful time of year to work with our shadow aspects and fully integrate, even the parts that scare us.

Your subpersonalities include Protector, Mother, Destroyer, Healer, Warrior, Leader, Friend and many more.

The more we integrate our whole selves – even the parts we’re less comfortable with (look at how well you’ve done learning to smile!) – the more empowered we are. The less likely we are to self-sabotage.

Aurora believing the worst about you was awful. But we can get to a point where even if something so hurtful happens again, you don’t react from that place of fear but instead connect with your resourcefulness and come at it with love.

Also, we can honour all you’ve done. Warrior you has saved countless creatures.

You have already done so much. You can do this.

I look forward to working with you (and very much appreciate your choosing me even though I’m human. If you don’t feel comfortable with me at any point and feel unable to talk to me about it – which I, obviously, welcome – please don’t give up on trauma therapy. You might find a Dark Fey or other therapist you feel more comfortable with.

See you again next week,

Eve Menezes Cunningham self care coach therapist supervisor
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