When Not Getting What We Want is for the Best

This is my new house!

For the best part of nine months, I was looking at a house online at least once a day and imagining myself living there.

From the first time I saw it, I called it The House I Was Born to Live In.

It looked idyllic.

Unfortunately, it needs more work than I can afford to do.

But in having this dream for all those months, I learned a lot about the kind of work old houses need.

It, like so much with this move, has been a steep learning curve but by focusing constantly on what I’ve wanted AND meditating and asking for guidance about each next best step, surrendering rather than obsessing (OK, I was obsessing quite a lot about this little fairy tale cottage with its own stream), I knew all was unfolding in Divine Timing.

I still remember telling people how I wasn’t getting attached to it. No one believed me (I was attached from that first time I saw it and thought of it as The House I Was Born to Live In).

A loved one suggested I continue doing what I was doing to surrender and let go (a LOT of meditation) and to really ENJOY imagining all working out with it and being able to afford all the work.

By giving myself permission to really imagine myself living there happily into my 90s and beyond, I was energised and motivated when delays in the UK sometimes made me feel like the whole move would be on hold forever.

In a practical sense, talking to people who know more about property than I do (ie, most people), I learned a lot.

When I heard back about the work that needs to be done on the house I ended up buying, while daunting, it wasn’t too daunting.

When I moved in March, I had 9 days to do EVERYTHING from the time I arranged a moving date (and it’s a good thing that I took that leap of faith as if I’d waited until we’d exchanged, I’d have only had two days to pack, find somewhere to rent in Ireland and organise everything including work.

This time, I have a better grasp of what would be involved. Yes, I’m already stressed but I know how discombolutated the last move left me so have massively upped my self care.

The house I’ve bought is amazing. It’s beyond anything I ever imagined for myself.

The view from my front door – I introduced myself to my neighbours and they popped on by for some grass

It needs work but it’s doable.

I’ll always be grateful to The House I Was Born to Live In and still really hope it can be loved and restored back to its former glory and beyond.

It is a treasure and someone out there will have the skill set and money to buy it and make it work.

Can you think of something in your own life that you really, really wanted and didn’t get?

How long was it before you were able to see the positives in not getting what you’d wanted?

Did allowing yourself to actually want what you wanted make it harder to not get it?

In my experience, we so often don’t even let ourselves articulate what we want for fear of being disappointed and yet so much clarity comes from being honest with ourselves.

It’s the basis of NLP:

  1. getting clear on what we want and setting a ‘well formed outcome’
  2. noticing the feedback we’re getting from the world around that goal (is what we’re doing working?) and
  3. being flexible enough to adjust our approach as necessary.

You might find journalling around the questions above help you get clearer on what you want and how you might get it.

And if you’d like my support in figuring it out what might bring you a greater sense of purpose, meaning and joy, creating a plan and staying motivated, you can find out more about working with me.

If my approach appeals, get in touch to arrange a free no obligation telephone conversation

And whatever you want – whether it’s something you’ve already got, is just about within reach or feels oh so far away – enjoy the process.

Let yourself dream big for yourself.

Big love,

Eve Menezes Cunningham self care coach therapist supervisor

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