Wellbeing Wednesday: Why DON’T you want what you want?

I remember reading Debbie Ford’s wonderful The Dark Side of the Light Chasers many many years ago (click HERE). When I went on to train as a psychosynthesis counsellor (HERE), we did a lot of work with ‘subpersonalities’ and I recognised a lot of the parallels with Ford’s work. Jung famously wrote and talked about the shadow and we’re living in a time in which we’re all projecting our own unowned shadow stuff in an amplified way.

Working one to one, it’s delightful watching clients begin to recognise how their shadow selves – be it through anxiety (HERE), self-sabotage or something else – are actually trying to help them.

But it’s only now, from the delightful Denise Duffield Thomas’s (HERE) work, that I’ve come across this exceedingly simple yet powerful way of addressing absolutely any blocks we might not even be aware of.

Thinking about something you want, simply ask yourself, why DON’T you want it?

For example, I really, really, REALLY want to be living on the west coast of Ireland right now. I first had the idea in February and everything moved really quickly with my finding a town and then a buyer for my home within 2 weeks of putting it on the market. I was very busy in a great way trying to get everything organised for this major change (giving up the lease on my high street workspace, sorting Irish accreditation for my counselling work, insurance etc, getting a British passport, endless other things including essentials like Rainbow MagnifiCat’s rabies shot and pet passport).

And just as I was running down the contents of my fridge freezer, signing the contract in anticipation of exchanging any day and pretty much being ready to start packing, the call came through saying that the buyers needed two parking spaces (they had known I only had one from March) so were pulling out.

This was late July and since then, while I’ve restocked my fridge freezer and am enjoying the extra time with local loved ones and doing all I can to sell my home and get on with this much longed for move, I’ve had a fair few viewings but no acceptable offers.

There’s a part of me that completely trusts in divine timing. There are so many elements involved that I have no control over, asking for guidance each day and doing all that’s within my control is all I can do.

So what happens if I ask myself, why DON’T I want what I want?

Initially, I answer myself with indignation. Of COURSE I want a quick sale and to move asap. But if I stay with it and journal some additional thoughts to uncover unconscious blocks, I realise that it really HAS been lovely not having already said goodbye to everyone. It was all happening incredibly fast. Even though, logically, I know I’ll be back loads to visit, it won’t be the same. There’s a sense of loss there. It doesn’t mean I don’t still want to move but perhaps making this conscious will release the unconscious block around it for me.

Another potential block is that I was getting stressed out thinking about transporting the MagnifiCat such a long way. By car, train, ferry and car. It was a relief to delay this from the height of tourist season to winter. Hopefully, the friend coming with will also be able to make a winter moving date more easily than hectic summer. And a winter move will make finding a Rainbow friendly rental easier too.

I’ve had some health issues, too – the permanent eye twitch I’d had pretty much all year is now a very rare occurrence when I know that something is stressing me out (and of course, I have lots of tools to help myself with that – HERE). Since the moving date changed, I’ve had some blood test results back, resulting scans and a hospital referral to a specialist for next month. It’s not a big deal (endometriosis related and I’ve been dealing with that pretty much my whole life) but I guess it’s easier (and cheaper) to get it sorted here rather than immediately having to figure out a new country’s healthcare system. I’m generally fortunate enough to not need doctor visits – it had been about 7 years since the last and suddenly, this summer, loads!

None of these are reasons to block the move, and perhaps, by making them more conscious, I’ll find a buyer much sooner.

How about something you want?

What is it?

Why might you NOT want this thing you want?

Be honest with yourself.

Write everything down and notice what comes up for you around it.

By treating even what feels like self-sabotage with curiosity and compassion, we can ultimately understand that it’s trying to help us, somehow and then get on board with manifesting our goals with more congruence and ease.

If you’d like to share some of your results, I’d love to hear from you.

And whatever it is you want (and don’t want), good luck!

Big love,

Eve Menezes Cunningham self care coach therapist supervisor

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