Wellbeing Wednesday: What helps you when you don’t want to feel better?

There’s something wonderful about wallowing. When we allow ourselves to feel our rage, anger, irritation, ennui, grief, heartbreak or anything else that typically isn’t welcomed in this ‘be positive’ age, we’re honouring ourselves.

We’re being authentic. We’re listening to the messages behind the feelings so we can use our emotions to heal whatever is coming up for more healing and potentially transform more deeply.

This makes it sound easier than it might feel in those moments but this week, I’d love to hear what helps you through the feelings you’d perhaps rather not feel.

For me, mindfulness with compassion is key (click HERE). Just knowing that feeling stuck or anything else I want to stomp my feet through will pass is helpful.

Similarly, connecting with the part of me that wants to tantrum about whatever element of life I’m resisting guides me to ways to get it out of my system. Sometimes, this is literally stomping my feet and pumping fists and shouting ‘Go away!’ over and over. It’s one of my favourite energy techniques learned from Olivia Roberts at an energy conference many years ago. She developed it as a way to work with everything from migraines to IBS to rage and depression and it made sense to me as a yoga therapist because it so obviously helps us honour that fight/flight impulse, gets us physically moving and using our voice rather than curling up, making ourselves small and shrinking from life.

I’d link to an old blog post with more information but my old blog didn’t propagate over when I changed my site this spring. Over the years I’ve used it myself and with clients and students, I’ve found that sometimes, a few quick stomps makes me laugh at myself and the energy is released. Other times, I stomp so much, I wind myself and realise that the issue is a bigger one than I’d realised. In these cases, it’s helped me make big changes and set stronger boundaries. Everything is information and allowing ourselves to feel the whole spectrum means we can use it more effectively.

Other times, it might mean putting on some music that will help us dance our rage out. Anything that helps us get it out of our systems means we’re working with our body instead of letting the feelings get stuck and trapped.

Sometimes, we have the capacity to simply sit with the feelings and feel them without attempting to change anything (mindfulness without the regulation elements).

Journalling can help. One of my favourite things to do is to get out into nature, ideally into the sea. The sea obliged this week with stunning stormy skies and choppy waves which felt incredibly cleansing and recharging.

Tapping (EFT – click HERE) can be wonderful, too as we start by honouring the distressed, anxious or otherwise ‘negative’ feelings that we want to clear.

Opening all the windows and having a good clean can be a great way to release some of that stuck energy and, as vacuuming is my least enjoyable household chore, visualising energies that no longer serve me, that may be keeping me stuck, being sucked out of my home and released and recycled for the benefit of the planet helps motivate me to do it.

I often use sound (ting tongs) or incense to clear the space and my crystals (click HERE) after a deep clean. This week, I dug out some sage smudge sticks I made last autumn. I was a little apprehensive as the last (and first) time I burned a home made smudge stick, I ended up with the plague. It was the Winter Solstice and I’d decided to smudge my home without opening the doors and windows because it was so cold.

I then had to over correct as my home became so sage fumey, Rainbow Magnificat* and I couldn’t breathe. With the doors and windows open for so long, my shivering turned into what I thought was an allergic reaction but then developed into a full blown ‘flu that left me ill over Christmas, the New Year and well into January.

Awful as it was, it was also transformative as I was forced to rest and when I was well enough, I made several breakthroughs in my work and life which I don’t think I could have done if I hadn’t had that enforced down time.

Even so, I didn’t want to lose a few weeks of my life to ‘flu this time so I smudged with all the doors and windows wide open and on a warm enough day to enjoy the breeze. I also left them open long after the smell had gone.

I smudged myself and Rainbow (she let me but rolled her eyes at me, too) and whether it was the burning sage and lavender or the intention, I immediately felt lighter. I did more journaling and realised by the time I went to do my daily EFT, I had no angst to tap on and it was a pure gratitude practice.

While in this dip, I’d been working with a lot of grounding, transformative crystals including obsidian, hematite and snowflake obsidian. Changing my pendant to clear quartz, like the sage smudge stick, felt a bit, ‘What’s going to happen?’ as it tends to be a very powerful stone for me. I ‘diluted’ it by adding some moonstone and this has supported me in continuing to look at what’s coming up for deeper healing this week.

Sometimes, especially in the glorious weather we’ve been having, lying face down on the earth and visualising myself releasing whatever pain, sadness etc I’m ready to let go of, knowing it can all be recycled for the benefit of the planet, is more than enough.

There are so many ways in which we can help ourselves and we can use different tools at different times. I include Lion pose, first encouraging students to think about obstacles to feeling however they want to feel and roar them away, in many of my yoga classes as, silly as it can feel, the more we allow ourselves to acknowledge whatever it is we’re feeling, the better we can honour our body’s (and mind’s and heart’s and soul’s) wisdom when it comes to supporting ourselves through it.

As with everything, you know what’s best for you. What nourishes you when you feel ready to wallow?

Have you tried any of the ideas I’ve shared above? I’d love to hear how you get on.

Big love,

Eve Menezes Cunningham self care coach therapist supervisor

* she was fine – she gave me a haughty look and stalked out to breathe the fresh outdoor air



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